Monday, June 16, 2014

The thing about procrastination

I read that at bet you only barely end up accomplishing the "have-to-do's" , after much feet dragging and not in the best way possible, and,  "wish-to-do's" never get done.

So true.

I have to

submit 3 year old manuscript.

I wish to

meet friends
blog about my new life :)

But nothing new about this dump I am in right now...

All I do know is I am not alone. It helps to know that I'm not the only post-doc who has slacked off on her manuscript. But it doesn't make it any better.

I am now trying to work in 20 min bursts of focus. Lets see how it goes.

Also I need to relearn blogging. I have forgotten.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I've moved

to B1.

At the start I want to apologise to some wonderful people I knew via blogging and always planned on meeting while I lived in B2. And the one dude I did end up meeting but did not meet often enough. Sorry all of you...if you still read this..

I still hope/plan to meet you..eventually, who knows?

My job was getting tiresome and I felt like I was not growing intellectually/scientifically. So I decided to take up a nice opportunity, even if it meant moving cities, us becoming a weekend couple, maintaining two rented apartments, etc. etc. etc. The weather change is what hit me first, though. I had forgotten how how humid and sultry B1 gets..and didnt help that B2 has glorious weather. The long distance is tough, but I'd like to say we are managing alright. The weekly flights are making a big hole in our pocket, though.

The biggest advantage about moving to B1 was all the friends we have here. After ~ 3 years in B2 and barely any socializing (sorry again, co-bloggers) I was looking forward to a life of having friends to meet with. Its also great to be back in a city that is charged and always on the move. A city with a sense of humor, so that I can crack random jokes with complete strangers and they get it, do not stare at me in horror or judge. A city where everyone believes in working hard right from the auto wallah to the bais to my coworkers....and yes, it is great to have a job that I am enjoying and growing in.

At a stage in life when we should have been putting down our roots, investing in a house, may be even planning a kid...we decided to do something quite disruptive. There are many times I question it. I have B's unconditional support and that makes me a bit less conflicted. It may not have been the wisest move- financially as well as from a quality of life perspective. But B knew how important it is for me to have a fulfilling job. And reminds me about that every time I question it. We meet on weekends, and try to make the most of them. So B carries back all my dirty laundry for me every time he visits, and has it washed and ironed for me to bring back when I visit. I am living like a bachelor ;) although I never did live like this when I was single. It was different in the US, where daily conveniences like gas/fridge/laundry (if you're lucky) etc. come built in when you rent a new place. I am still getting those things sorted here, and enjoy getting pampered by B every time I go "home". Yeah B2 is definitely still home.

I may have spent ~ 10 yrs living on my own in the U.S., but living together has gotten me used to a division of labour of sorts. I enjoyed sharing chores with B- and enjoyed being able to hand off a chore to him if I was too tired... But its also fun to explore a new life in a new place. I am sure it is harder on B, as he has to deal with my FIL all by himself. My FIL is deteriorating steadily, and moving him to B1 eventually, is going to be very challenging. But...we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Another thing that may come out of this move is that I may start blogging more often. :)

Sunday, December 29, 2013

No more excuses

I left Lutom in mid 2007. With an unfinished manuscript from my Ph.D. It followed me like a ghost and I finally got it done- reviews et al- into press - in mid 2009.

Going by that math I am a little behind, but considering my post-doc work was in a much less finished state than my Ph.D. thesis was, I can give myself 6 months grace.

We are looking at Jan 2014 in the eye. I left the U.S. in July 2011. With an unfinished manuscript from my post-doc..

Which means I should be closing in now. How far along am I? I would say ~40- 50% there.

How much time do I need- I'd say 5 days of dedicated focused work.

The trouble is I don't have that luxury, what with my full time very demanding job.

And of course, at the end of the day these are all excuses. I did take a 5 day holiday from work under the pretext of getting this done, but did not. The brain refused to focus. The mind wandered. Household chores took precedence. So did sleep. I ended up with 3 days LOP (Thats Loss of Pay- for people who go over their stipulated holidays) and a poor first draft.

There were many others- canceled trips, canceled reservations, missed outings, etc. etc. All for the sake of this paper. That is still dragging along.

Today we bought me a desk and chair. That was the final bastion of excuses I had built up - there is no place in the house to write, and I end up sitting on the bed/couch, and sleeping.

Now I have no excuses left.

I also have a very very very impatient and irritated post-doc advisor and am in real danger of pissing him off to the extent I will lose all credibility.

I had one more colleague who left the lab a few months before I did. She was following her husband who got transferred and she decided she was not going to be left behind without him. So she picked up and left. She did not take any ghosts with her. She simply wrote to our advisor saying she had some personal emergencies and was not going to be able to write her paper. My advisor finished it up and got it out.

I always felt superior to her. Look - here I stuck it  out- for a whole year and more, separated from my boyfriend/husband and worked. And I didnt give up on the paper either, even after leaving.

But now I am beginning to wonder. I sacrificed a lot of personal life- that is even more accentuated now that we ended up living with my FIL once we began to live together- in that 1 year or so I stayed back in the U.S.
I have delayed this paper beyond reason - allowing myself to be scooped more than once, and, reaching a point where the technology I used is getting outdated.
I wonder who was smarter and more pragmatic after all?

So really. This is it.

The desk is nice - although it feels more like a kid's desk and I wish it was a bit taller.. but hey. No more excuses.