Office chat

colleague 1- So why didnt you come to the program on saturday night?

Me- My husband is out of town, and my maid was not coming, so I didnt want to stay out too late as my F-I-L was alone at home..

colleague 1- Oh ok..

colleague 2 - My goodness it must be very difficult to manage no?

Me- Yeah it is ...

colleague 2- I mean one can manage without husband but without maid!

Hahaha!

LTNS

Long Time No See!

Its been a while since I blogged.

Like all other sporadic blogging attempts this is just another mind dump.

Soon approaching the two year anniversary since I R2Ied, I am unhappy at the state of my social life, or lack thereof. I find that I have not a single good friend in the city, and my close friends who live elsewhere, I am barely in touch with.

It is hard to explain this kind of withdrawal. It is a mix of good old laziness, taking up a demanding job, and just dealing with the package deal that encompasses my move and letting it overwhelm me.

It hasnt gotten any better- the job is still demanding as hell, living with my FIL has only gotten more complicated and more tiresome, and well- readjusting to India is as complete as it can get.

Weekends were devoted to taking my FIL to his fav old dosa joint (a half-day sojourn), catching up with chores, sleeping, and trying to work on my damned paper that is leftover from my post-doc.

On two occasions when B went out of town I realised how bored I was on my own. Not a friend to go hang with, and dealing with my FIL for a whole weekend can be extremely frustrating and tiresome. I was so bored that I actually voluntarily opened up my old work folders and began working on my post-doc manuscript. Heh.

So of late, I began crawling out of my shell. I was also beginning to feel that our lifestyle is slightly dysfunctional. B and I only have office shit to discuss between ourselves, or discuss FIL. We do not have a balance, a different perspective, an outlet, or just another set of friends to compare our lives to. When we are battling maid woes, we feel like we are the only ones on earth. One fine day I sat with some of my colleagues at lunch and realised just about everyone has the same story going on.

I started with picking up the phone and regaining touch with old friends. The reassuring part is they were right there. It didnt take much to pick up from where we left off, but I also realised those calls were just- catch up calls. It didnt seem like they would turn into regular phone calls- simply because each of my friends is in a different phase of life, and at least 3 out of the 7-8 people i called had the exact same thing to tell me- My son dropped my phone and i lost your number! :)

May be I could turn them into regular calls- I am not sure. I do not want to give up now that I have gotten to a good start. But may be we also need to get out more in this city- find like minded people to hang out with- and hopefully that will help us gain some perspective.

How do people go about building friendships? I seem to have forgotten the art.

The best times are often when none of the ducks are in a row and the chips all over the place, so don't plan..just be.

-Was a comment by binary footprints on one of my posts, where I was, as seems to be the recent trend, bemoaning my life and all its vagaries. Very good advice, that. Not always easy to practice, especially if one is wont to worry and wonder and brood like I am. But at some point I realised that it was a lot easier to do it that way.

Things have gotten better in the recent past, in many little undefinable ways. I have learned to be more vocal and outspoken about my feelings rather than let it all simmer and stew and show up in outbursts. And almost every single time I have gotten nothing but acceptance and understanding. B and I have learned to enjoy the little things in life and not allow ourselves to be bogged down by the inconveniences and upsets that come with life, India, dealing with his dad, etc. We have learned to take a lot of things in our stride and that has helped us not give any more importance to the things we cannot control. We have rectified our living situation slightly- we now have two maids and that serves as a bit of back up so that everything does not fall apart if one of them bunks. It is working to an extent, although I do think only a fulltime live in maid will really be the best answer to our situation. Those are not easy to come by.

Recently, we wanted to visit my parents for the weekend. We had not yet fully recovered from the last trip we took with my FIL, where B pretty much ended up looking after and baby-sitting his dad throughout the trip and barely enjoyed himself. I was very insistent that we plan one trip by ourselves, where we do not worry about my FIL. It was to be a weekend trip and we were counting on our maid to come in both days of the weekend and that would ensure my FIL was taken care of. However, our confidence in the maid had dropped considerably due to her irregularities, and after a lot of hand-wringing, where the simplest thing seemed to be to simply take my FIL along, a local organization in Bangalore - Nightingales that deals with dementia patients and provides home nurses and care came to our rescue. It turned out they did have help available for the days we needed to travel. Help came in the form of a young 20 year old puny but very pleasant and cheerful looking girl Geetha. The evening I brought Geetha home with me, my FIL was busy fussing over her, bringing her coffee and chatting her up and ensuring she was comfortable. By the time we acquainted her with the apartment and explained things to her, we left wondering who would be looking after who. Turns out the maid did not bunk, Geetha was good company for my FIL, and all in all the weekend was very uneventful.

B and I had a wonderful getaway, just getting on a plane together without worrying about my FIL felt like such a treat for us! Having B without the added burden of worrying after his dad allowed my family to see such a different side of him, and I enjoyed seeing him mingle comfortably with my relatives. My parents high point was that they were guaranteed a driver everytime their daughter visited with her husband, a real source of joy for a retired couple that doesnt drive and has to depend upon driver services every time they want to use their car.

 In the meantime, my FIL really took a liking to Geetha and I began hoping if we could request the agency to send us the same person whenever we needed. Then I found out that it happened to be Geethas last working day, she was to return to her village after this to take care of a sick mother and had lots of problems going on on her homefront. She had told my FIL that her dream was to become a Chartered Accountant as she liked numbers. (She had studied until her P.U.C.)

I called her and thanked her for all her help and asked her to reach out to us if we could be of any help. I was quite amazed that she was able to smilingly carry on, put up with an old mans ramblings, be so pleasant and so reliable, in the face of her own issues. Indeed puts things in perspective like none else. I hope Geetha is able to realize her dream.

B and I are planning another short getaway soon. Hopefully the same agency is able to find us some help this time. In the meantime we have also begun seriously house-hunting and its a nice feeling, in as much as the process is overwhelming and daunting.

Things are coming together in their own ways, and some of it seems to happen naturally, with little effort on any of our parts. Its looking good.