Monday, May 29, 2006

Cringe love

Last night, as I was driving back from dinner, Nancy Updike was talking on "This American Life" on the radio about this particular category of love affairs, "Cringe love". Now I usually pick the loud, slapstick buffoonery of the Magliozzi brothers, Tom and Ray any day over heartache stories, but "This American Life" often makes very insightful commentary about lifestyle and culture in America and I catch it whenever it's on.

So cringe love describes that category of relationships that one comes out of thinking "I can't believe I was with that guy". She exemplified by interviewing people who had invested time and effort in relationships all the while trying to ignore a certain disturbing aspect of the other person, all in the name of love. Ignoring, that is, until one fine day the #$@# hits the fan, so to speak, and then you want to bail out, realising you could have never lived with that. Much later, as you describe your experience to others, your tales are characterised by the opening statement "I once went out with a guy who.." You are cringing in embarrassment, but still feel a boastful thrill in relating to your friends as to "how far" you went for love.

I've never had to experience a cringe love first hand. I have enough of my own, self-imposed cringe-stories, as my "most embarrassing moments" consistently seem to outdo each previous one, leaving me thinking "I can't believe I did/said that!" Of course, you're not going to hear about them here, as I don't think I can type sensibly when I'm drunk. ;) So yeah, the program was fun listening to even if I couldn't identify that much. Nancy ended saying that there were no guarantees one wouldn't fall for cringe-love again. It was her closing line, however, that struck a chord, and I quote,
" After all, who isn't willing to be ridiculous for love?"
because I think that holds for all love, cringe, or not.


greensatya said...

What can I say ?

Cringe Love..hmm.. in my opinion there is no need of adding any kind of adjective before love. The word 'love' itself is nothing but a synergistic combination, in no fixed proportion of all these adjectives.

As long as one is result of that function it appears as a rational entity, the variables (read adjectives) are obvious when one is not part of that domain...but then it is too late.......

I guess I am not making any sense:(

I am off blogger said...

I totally agree with last line.......cant say anything about rest of the post!! I am feeling totally un-experianced!!
BTW.....a post(maybe it'll be 2-3 by the time you read it) is waiting for you on mah blog!

I am off blogger said...

Hey thats a news for me!! I have changed all of them to "could not"........thanks a lot!!!

I am off blogger said...

Posted the second part also.........

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

what are YOU drinking? :) lol, no you make sense,

>As long as one is result of that function it appears as a rational entity, the variables (read adjectives) are obvious when one is not part of that domain...but then it is too late.......

ah! i've never seen love deconstructed like that before! :)
it's true, tho, hindsight is always 20/20. ..

have enjoyed your posts a lot. i am impressed how strong your courage of conviction is. stay that way!

The Smiling Girl said...

U bet, girl!!
Love is worth being ridiculous..
But to think of it, cringe love is something which is so painful also at the end of the day. There is a certain boastfulness when you talk about it, but there is also a certain pain to tell that - look, I did all this for him/her and see what he/she turned out to be!!!

Good one!!

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

yeah, but y'know, in the cases here, one already knows what they're getting into. they think "love" will make it easier to deal with. so i don't think they can play that card of "look, i did all this for him...."
thanks :)