Post inspiration: QSG, in more ways than one!
Being jaded and cynical, apart from being the "in" thing, is one of the by-products of life. It happens to you somewhere along the way, and occasionally, you may mourn the loss of that innocent, naiive mindset you once had. You become extremely self-protective, cautious, and are unwilling to risk hurting the self anymore. It's a plain and simple defense mechanism, in response to all the hurt you may have let yourself suffer through at various times. You are now happy to be in control, and will always put yourself first, because you owe it to yourself. You never let yourself slip.
And then, unbeknownst to you, and all the promises you made to yourself, you actually let go. It starts off with a very self-controlled agenda, you tell yourself that you've nothing to lose, because you will not fall. But inspite of the resolves, you fall, if only very gradually and less dramatically than earlier. So that the bruises develop over time, unlike earlier when the fall was one big thud, and the wounds might have just bled for a long time and eventually stopped. This time around, you don't even realise you have fallen until that lingering pain surfaces. That all-too-familiar pain. You become angry with yourself for slipping without looking. For not being careful. For going back on your word to yourself. Much self-flogging accompanies the hurt, irrespective of the fact that the fall came with it's own share of tiny moments of excitement and joy on the way, even if transient. That is exactly what you were supposed to guard yourself against!, you tell yourself.
This time you are primed, so you recover faster, and soon you're up and about. And it really wasn't so bad. The repentance, however, continues. Until you realise- hey, inspite of everything, it can happen again! :)