Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Oops! you did it again

Post inspiration: QSG, in more ways than one!

Being jaded and cynical, apart from being the "in" thing, is one of the by-products of life. It happens to you somewhere along the way, and occasionally, you may mourn the loss of that innocent, naiive mindset you once had. You become extremely self-protective, cautious, and are unwilling to risk hurting the self anymore. It's a plain and simple defense mechanism, in response to all the hurt you may have let yourself suffer through at various times. You are now happy to be in control, and will always put yourself first, because you owe it to yourself. You never let yourself slip.

And then, unbeknownst to you, and all the promises you made to yourself, you actually let go. It starts off with a very self-controlled agenda, you tell yourself that you've nothing to lose, because you will not fall. But inspite of the resolves, you fall, if only very gradually and less dramatically than earlier. So that the bruises develop over time, unlike earlier when the fall was one big thud, and the wounds might have just bled for a long time and eventually stopped. This time around, you don't even realise you have fallen until that lingering pain surfaces. That all-too-familiar pain. You become angry with yourself for slipping without looking. For not being careful. For going back on your word to yourself. Much self-flogging accompanies the hurt, irrespective of the fact that the fall came with it's own share of tiny moments of excitement and joy on the way, even if transient. That is exactly what you were supposed to guard yourself against!, you tell yourself.

This time you are primed, so you recover faster, and soon you're up and about. And it really wasn't so bad. The repentance, however, continues. Until you realise- hey, inspite of everything, it can happen again! :)

26 comments:

qsg said...

The best thing about life - the first fall is the hardest...or as one of my favorites go:

First cut is the deepest...

The others are just follow ons - and once you survive the first fall, you get more resilient, far less sensitive, and that much more capable of bouncing back and making a full recovery. There has to be a first time for everything. Thankfully, it only gets better! :)

Sorry, my post made you sad! :(

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

QSG,
arre- your post inspired. kya sorry worry? :-) or is this inspired post that sad? ;)

it only gets better, indeed! :-)

greensatya said...

I got it, got it. You are cruising on the track.

Now about the post. I don't think it can happen twice, if the lesson is learnt properly the first time. It happens when someone consciously and deliberately allow.

jhantu said...

whts the big deal with all the love-mush girl??

it happens, u get out of it and it again happens and the loop repeats, till ur in your 30s and are either too tired to go through the loop again or have become butt bored of it and thus settle down with the person ur currently in.

So whats the big deal i ask?? now the carnal side, that is anyday mightily more interesting isnt it

Intrepid said...

But then again, there's really no other way to do it. Cynicism or too much self-restraint makes you lose the whole point of doing what you're doing or being in the relationship that you are. The only way to do it is to go all the way. Every time. Knowing fully well that it could end up in the dumps, but without hesitating to enjoy every moment while it lasts.

Rishit Jain said...

:) I know what you are saying.

Nirwa said...

//hey, inspite of everything, it can happen again! :)

Yes!

neihal said...

yes..true..but as you say every fall has its own share of good moments...or maybe its the other way round...the good moments deceive you...they are actually leading you towards a fall...
OMG...TGFI...stop...before I become a Fultu faltu philosopher.

Janefield said...

we are way too hard on ourselves. this is life, man. things will keep happening all the time. but its cathartic to enjoy the good moments and go thru the excruciating painful ones as well. no point in vowing to oneself that you won't let it affect you. might as well take sanyas in the himalayas then! we're human and we will fail every now and then. but why beat oneself up over it?

Janefield said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rebellion said...

Very deep post Lajjo!

Beautifully written and indeed, very true!! Its one of the posts that almost every reader could relate herself too, me being first in line! A chill runs down my body reading aapke aise serious posts. But I also agree with chosen one's words, we're a bit too hard on ourselves. We need to take it a little light and actually let go!

Hope all's fine with you dear :)

Take care,
Aarti

Prashanth said...

"He who hates himself will hate the entire world."

I can't give a reference for the quote because I just made it up :) but it seemed like sound advice to me.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

satya,
hehehe. very funny. i will do an about turn soon. :)
the second time is not the same as the first. and the third not the second. and so on! :) like they say, we don't repeat the same mistakes, but can make new mistakes!

jhantu,
yeah,seriously, what's the big deal?
now the carnal side, that is anyday mightily more interesting isnt it

er..you stick to your area of expertise, i'll stick to mine. what say? ;)

hi intrepid!
yeah, true that..cynicism kills the fun..i think it's all about not getting too caught up with ones fears, and living a little..but there's a fine balance, and sometimes a heavy price.

rishit,
you do? :o

nirwa,
:-)

neihal urf fultu faltu filosofar :D
the good moments deceive you...they are actually leading you towards a fall..
hmm...well..not always do good moments lead to a fall..and sometimes, falling is also good. yes? no? filosofise plij.

t.c.o
might as well take sanyas in the himalayas then
wow. i also feel like that. yes, we are too hard on ourselves i agree. but beating ourselves up- i think it's innate selfishness. we are greedy and selfish and want everything happy happy. not happening!

aarti,
yeah- this train of thought was started by QSG. now i climbed onto the bandwagon and cannot get off! must stop. have to think up a tp waala post now, to neutralise the effects of this one. :)

prashanth,
hmmm.....point hai. i will quote it next time, and say "-prashanth" eh?

qsg said...

Madam ji: What the you do mean to be by the saying:

yeah- this train of thought was started by QSG. now i climbed onto the bandwagon and cannot get off!

Me bechari qsg being so blatantly blamed for your sorry state of mind...! jaao mein nahin baat karti! tchaa!

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

ha ha ha.
tu kab se bechaari ho gayi?
HAHHAHAHA good joke that was.

neihal said...

yes yes...falling is sometimes good...Khalis itna filosofy karwaya ka :(
Abhi write a happy post. Plij plij plij :)

greensatya said...

Madam ji, I guess with three post in the row, I got the details about that number. Thanks :)

Perspective Inc. said...

Cynicism though warranted, inevitable and commonplace..is still..sad!I want to be spontaneous. I want to be surprised. I want to believe in 'innocent' until proven guilty. But I'd much rather be wary, coz' it always always most definately happens again and i never learn! So call me a cynic! *sigh*

its me said...

"Until you realise- hey, inspite of everything, it can happen again!"

isnt that the best part of this entire process?:)

shub said...

hmmm....catches you off guard when you least expect it na? lets hope the next time around, it arrives to stay....
nice post there, girl....

The Inquisitive Akka said...

Ouch! I know what you mean!

Janefield said...

E TGFI, simbli don't put bhaav for self like this n all and make blogistan curious about you n all. See poor Greensatya's haalat. Why you torturing your readers la this, O Garbo impersonator :P

Tachyoson said...

falling and rising , isnt that what a LOT of things in the world is about ? hey the Sun falls and rises every day .... but its only a RELATIVE occurrence...

i've found it easier to not go looking for the pits and crevasses of Life.

however the easy path is NOT always the most interesting ...

Born a Libran said...

I agree that one can get hurt again and again. I mean if you dont stop letting go, you will never get to enjoy some things in life just because of one lousy experience. Thats not fair because everyone is allowed mistakes. It does depend on how deep the cut was though as to how easily you can get back on ur feet - also depends on how optimistic and agressive u r about life...

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

neihal,
bas utna hi? haan re need a new post now. i cannot bear this post here anymore! such a strange feeling that is.

satya ji,
what the hell? presumptuous ..... :)

cynical perspective,
yeah, {siiigh}. :)

it's you,
it is. :)

shub,
i am "purposefully" not going to respond to your comment. hmph

akka,
you do, don't you? i think this is something most identify with.

phulkit,
who's the impersonator? hmmm hmm?? and satya needs to know just one thing, curiosity killed the cat. ;)

tachyoson,
very true, thoda adventure chahiye life mein. thats what colours it.

libran,
yes, ideally, we should be able to take away lessons from past mistakes, but not rule out future prospects..like i said earlier, it's not an easy balancing act. of course, trust a libran to do it well. ;)

shub said...

hahahahahaha!! but still you did! :D

shub