No, no, this is not a repost. Really.
Aside: Some days ago I was going through my own archives on my blog. (Heights of nikamma-giri). I discovered an inherent pattern to the posts- a few WTFs, a few whiny homesick posts, a few ridiculous happenings, and a few rants- repeat, replay. Reoccuring in a sequential manner, like re-runs. Got me wondering- is that all there is to my life? My life summed up in 40-odd posts? ::Shudder:: :-)
So today I was the one telling myself "you've changed". Some changes have crept in, slowly, before I could catch them, and they became me. Some changes were deliberate steps I took- and now I'm not sure I want them anymore. Some changes were forced- thanks to circumstance, growing up, or well..change in the weather, even. And some changes were just plain inevitable, they had to happen.
The sum of all these changes is not a picture I like completely. I don't like that I've become a rather impatient person, with no tolerance for other peoples' quirks, even if a bit unreasonable. These are people that matter, and I should be able to take them for what they are. I don't like that I've become a little selfish over time; putting myself first. I have always gone out of my way to help, or even please others, and now, I do less of it, more of what pleases me. I am not sure about the huge indifference that has become a part of me - it's very useful at times, but still surprises me. I guess a lot of this can be chalked up to growing up, or growing old, even. But I wonder if that's an easy shield to hide behind, to not want to face or do anything about these changes, because explaining them is so much more convenient?
There are several changes I am happy about too, so I guess it balances out somewhere.