Another unsuccessful week has come to an end. I've decided to take off for two or three days- go up to the mountains to write, or go to my sister's to not write. One of those two things. I am getting quite tired of this. Unfortunately, thanks to teaching, I cannot take more than 3 days off. I have a choice at this point- stop at a stopping point, close shop, write it up and leave. Or stay on, chase the proverbial pot of gold that I just had a fleeting glimpse of and that eluded me since. There's no telling I'll find it, but it's a decision I need to make now. I am well aware that this is the classic "mistake" most graduate students make. Things can always get better, more can always be done, the paper can always be sexier. But there is wisdom in recognizing the difference between what is sufficient, what is necessary and plain old wishful thinking or "pet theories" (That have some validity, I might add) ;). On the other hand, it's not like I have a job waiting for me, so what next?
Don't know. I know what my advisor wants- and I know she is wise and experienced and I should just listen to her. But when have I ever listened to anyone? ;) Anyways, time, gels and parasites will tell. :-) I am not exactly looking for answers here, just ranting.
Last night, I talked to my dad- about everything else except this shit. Because this shit is old, and I can keep talking about it, going in circles. And honestly, I can paint this really depressing picture. (Like you all have seen ;) ) The truth is, it's not all that bad, and it is not a rare turn of events at all, in grad school life. So I will take things as they come, and eventually, they will pan out.
My parents don't read my blog. They have never lived in a grad-school setting or been exposed to the vagaries of this life, and the uncertainty that shrouds finishing up. I know they are looking forward to see me finish, get out, go out, get a life, get a real job ( I have broken it to them that a post-doc is not a real job ;)). I know they are waiting to inundate me with matchmaking efforts and embark on the groom hunt. They must also be eagerly be waiting to see me, it's been so long.
In spite of all of that, they're the only people who do not piss me off with annoying questions or references about my impending graduation. They have never said stuff like "When is this ending? It's gone on so long. We want to see you settled". They never ask me "did you find a job? will it be close to your sister's? we want you to be near her"- although I know that's what they're dearly hoping for. They just know, I'll tell them if there's something to share, else it's all status quo. These days, I have nothing meaningful to add to phone conversations with anyone. "What's new?" - "Nothing". "Aur batao" - "nothing" (gritting teeth because that aur batao shit gets on my nerves). In spite of having nothing to talk about, my parents are the only people left that I can have a conversation with and not be irritated. Just how do they do it?