Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Worry

I am worrying about a situation that I can't do much about. It's not fun when someone means so much to you, but there's absolutely nothing you can do to help and ample scope for your worst fears to come true. I think I am almost beginning to understand the kind of paranoia my mother goes through when she doesn't hear from me for a while and her mind runs riot thinking about all that could happen. There is one incident that I can never forget, during my final year BSc. days. My exam center was about 4 train stations away from home, and it took me less than an hour to get home each day after the paper. My exams weren't going well at all, and I used to return home every day with a long sad face. On the day of the last exam I decided to take the bus home instead of the train, just to clear my head perhaps. The bus took its own sweet time through circuitous routes and traffic jams, that I hadn't even given thought to before getting on it. Of course this was the pre-cell phone era, and I didn't want to get off in the middle to call from a public phone for fear of getting further delayed. When I returned home it was 3 or 4 hours past the time I was expected. My mother was sobbing. I had never seen her that worried or that emotional. I never even got yelled at for my stupidity, but seeing my mother like that was bad enough. I cannot imagine the hell I put her through then.

Even today, when my parents make unreasonable requests about me calling them and keeping them posted when I'm traveling etc. , I start out arguing and then cut it short, and comply silently, because one can never argue against something like this. I don't know why this comes to mind now. I am not even a mother, but the pangs of helpless worry and unease I am going through right now reminded me of all of this. It's at times like these that praying offers some strength. I am not a very religious person, but I am admittedly a selfish believer, I seek faith and strength in some force when things are entirely beyond my control and I still want for them to work, badly. And on several occasions, my prayers have been answered. I hope they work again.

20 comments:

Rebellion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebellion said...

I perfectly understand how it feels dear. Its not just about a mother-daughter. Its about anyone & everyone who's close to you, that every person who means to you. It happens with me very often.

Don't worry. I'll pray too. I'm sure it'll all work out well, the way you want. Keep faith.

Big tight hugs to you babes >:D<

Sakshi said...

I hope things work out the way you want too.
If there is anything I can do, just let me know. Apun koi bhi kopche mein aake sunane ko tyar hai!

sd said...

Hey TGFI - take care buddy. I hope things work out!

Shek said...

i got my first cell phone when the blasts happened in Bombay trains.

Now, if they had gotten you married soon enough, they'd know where to call ;)

qsg said...

I know the feeling! Hang in there! Don't worry - worrying doesn't help! :)

greensatya said...

Your prayers will be answered, keep up the hope !!

All my best to tide over this!

shub said...

yeah I'm disgustingly like that too! I fret and fret over people not reaching on time/ not calling etc, imagining the worst case always. :-/

phatichar said...

Faith. That's the key word...hang in there, things will turn out just fine. :)

musafir said...

hi TGFI
same case with my mom too.. i must call home daily.

take care.

Prashanth said...

I realize that telling you not to worry is like saying "Don't think about pink elephants".

So I say, cheer up and think about the positive outcome! If you're going to spend brain waves thinking about what could be, you might as well think about the good that could happen rather than the bad!

Janefield said...

your mom is so adorable :)

and you need a spanking for torturing the lovely lady!! :P

and worrying only increases the lines on yr face, i don't like. kindly be warned..

Coco Captive said...

Emaindamma??? :)
Matladaaala??

Rebellion said...
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Tachyoson said...

life is risky. you go out everyday not knowing if you would get back home. the best way to be is to be with the ones who care about you - worrying is not smothering.

Shek said...

Ipanema Girl
You are tagged. More details here: link

Shek said...

And I understand you have certain 'engagements' at the current moment. Please take your time. No hurries.

sumit said...

Update karo madam ji!!
Ab to maien bhi update kar diya( chahe jaisa bhi hai :P )

qsg said...

Hello ji... where is the update? Hopefully, all is well!

Shek said...

she definitely got engaged. Bet laga lo...