Monday, October 08, 2007

Main aur verizon wireless..aksar baatein kiya kartein hain

When I was trying to get a DSL connection set up at home, I spent a total of at least 3 to 4 hours chasing the verizon buggers and their stupid voice-recognition software that would always answer the phone. After a frustrated hour of trying to get someone to help me about my online order, and never encountering the right menu option from the list that was pre-recorded, I got online and chatted with one of their reps, who suggested that I follow the option "billing" when i called in again, instead of "new orders". One of the confounding issues was that I did not have a verizon wireless phone number to identify myself. My last conversation with verizon went like this:

VW (irritating nasal twangy bot voice) : Welcome to verizon. you've reached verizon internet services. starting with your area code please say or enter your ten digit phone number now. or say, "i don't know it"

Me (calm and composed voice- i've done this before) : I don't know it

VW: Which are you calling about? "tech support, billing, or sales?"

Me: (still calm) Billing.

VW: In order to better assist you,I need to know the exact nature of your problem. Which of the following do you need assistance with..blah blah blah. Or say other. You can also go back to our main menu...blah blah blah

Me: (even before she finishes, loud voice) Other

VW: I'm sorry, I did not hear you. Which of these options did you select. *Rattles all the bleddy 34 options again.

Me: (waiting patiently till the end, and then screaming) OTHER

VW: I'm trying to get to know the exact problem so I can direct you to the relevant associate. Our support staff is trained to handle different issues...blah blah.. so , if you're calling to find out your balance, say balance. If you'd like to ...blah blah blah blah blah blah or say continue

Me: (calm voice) Continue

VW: I'm sorry, I did not understand you. If you need to know your current balance, please say balance. If you're calling about blah blah blah blah blah Otherwise, say continue.

Me: (calm voice, gritting teeth, using all my will power to not fling the phone at the window) CONTINUE

VW: I'm sorry, I still did not understand. Did you need help with your current balance? If so, please say balance. If you....blah blah blah blah blah Otherwise, say continue.

Me: (very calm voice) How about F**K YOU?

VW: You said continue. Please hold on while I transfer your call to the right agent.

17 comments:

Pri said...

heeeeeeeee im sorry but this is extremely funny because it only happens like all the time!!! here's a suggestion. it works 80% of the time. okay 65% of the time. as soon as it starts giving you options hit 0 and keep hitting 0 until it says you are now being transferred. then put your phone on speaker and go look for a drink.

and you know at least when you're calling a phone or internet place the options it has to guess are limited. when you call 411 or 1800 free 411 it has unlimited options and some of the stuff it comes up with truly blows my mind.

Shripriya said...

Hilarious!

Btw, why have you turned off full RSS feeds - now all I get is the title :(

Anurag Srivastava said...

This happens in India too with all the mobile service providers. You call them, I mean try around 10 times to get connected, then listen to a caller tune before getting any option, and after sometime find no option fits you. :)

By the way just noticed that your blog is having both shallow and deep thoughts; courtesy your webaddress and your title; any comments :P

Coco Captive said...

Wonder who wrote that dirty software.. If it cant recognize the Eff word!

Reminds me to remind our Sales team to talk to Verizon guys and pitch in there.. we can recognize that word, u see!!

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

pri,
I expected sympathy from you. :/
thanks for the ideas. i just dont have speaker phone on my cell so that makes it worse. but now i know- just swear at the bot and it will work :D

shripriya,
:D
the feeds are back on. i was fiddling with this feedburner thingy and i don't know what went wrong. sorry about that!

Anurag,
what do you think? shallow or deep?

CC,
Well, perhaps it can. it just didn't recognize it when i said it, and interpreted it as "Continue" instead. fine by me! :)

Raj said...

That was funny!

I know how frustrating these calls to the ISPs can be. Well, at least it worked for you somehow :)

Anurag Srivastava said...

Thats called questioning the question :)

Now I wont further question it. So if I have to say it, I will say both deep and shallow, deep where you want to reveal and shallow where the truth(or lets say reality)has to be concealed.

While writing this, I am afraid by reading your 'about me'. I hope I am not going to get vunn tiiiight SlaP. Am I safe? :P

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

hi raj,
yeah, it worked somehow. ;)

anurag,
vun tiiiiight ...! :D
hehe no, you're okay. it was an invited response after all. the truth is, when the reality is concealed, the posts run a lot deeper than they appear.
:p

Prashanth said...

LOL !!!

Tachyoson said...

we dont have voice selections, but the old phones at my ISP always take me to the DIALUP area. and i have to go ballistic.

Pri said...

how do you not have speakerphone? who still makes cell phones without that feature? its time for an update.

also when are you gonna come visit me? im bored.

and where is my kaju barfi from tiwari brothers?

Klastos said...

Thanks for the laugh.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

prashanth,
:) how ya doing?

tachyoson,
i hear ya. i hear ya.

pri,
but my phone has camera and mp3 player also.
its kinda late now to ask for kaju barfi, sowwy. :p. but tiwari bros was good recco, i only knew brijwasi in bombay, and wouldn't know where to get it in hyd if not for your recco.
i am also bored. no one visits me either. when are you gonna put post?

klastos,
you're very welcome, given my life. :p. how ya doing?
and

Klastos said...

Hah.

I've been better, but just immersing myself in school stuff keeps me sane enough.

It's nice to see that you're back to blogging on a more regular basis.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

i saw your course line up for winter and spring 08. am pretty sure you have enough and more to keep u busy! :)
thanks. i'm glad to have gotten back my venting board too.

Anonymous said...

At least Verizon taught us something, why they play that 'calming' music, if it can be called that :)

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

Anonymous,
calming, indeed. :)