Four and a half months into my post-doc and I've very little to show for it. First there was settling in , acquainting, learning to be patient with oneself, then came the india trip, so there was more lag, re-acquainting that's yet to happen because I brought back with me this nasty bug and have been under house arrest for the past few days. The tgfi of a few years back would be guilt-tripping herself and stressing herself out at this loss of time, fact that nothing is getting done, and worrying herself into further sickness. The only thing that prevents me from going into lab is the fact that its not really looked upon well if you show up at work hacking the daylights out of yourself. But here I am, all cool and calm about this. I am not going to lose whatever little drug-induced, coughing-fit-free sleep I am getting over how much time I have lost and how I'm really behind. I'm just going to get my rest, get well, and get back to work at a normal pace. I have even gone ahead and made my plans for new years, so what if I lost all these days? Again, the tgfi of yesterday would deny herself of all fun activities for the next several months just because she was worried about the time she lost. I have never gotten too far with that kind of thinking, and I think I've finally learned to keep things separate and desist from self-flogging because no good ever came out of it.
Yesterday things took a turn for the worse as I developed a nasty ear infection on top of everything else. I have never had one before and my heart goes out to little kids who suffer from this so often. It's the most ex-cru-tia-ting pain EVAR. So after trying all the home remedies that did not work, I took some ibuprofen and made it through the night. Last morning, I got online to find a doctor in my area, to find the number for a cab-service, etc. That's me. I could be dying but I will insist on getting on by myself. It's not something I am proud of, I promise you. So I snapped out of my thick-headed self and decided to call for help. Most people in my lab who own a car were away on holiday, so I looked through my phone book and found L - yes, my Amway friend! I called her at 7 AM. She gave me a doctor's name, came picked me up for my appointment, brought me some food to nibble on, took me to get my prescriptions filled, got me to do some groceries, and dropped me back home. The whole thing took 4 hours out of her work-day, since there was some trouble with my insurance at the pharmacy (turns out my prescription insurance is different from my medical insurance- if L wasn't there, I'd have no clue, and I'd end up paying $100 from my pocket just because I really wanted those antibiotics).
I still remember my whole wisdom tooth saga over a year ago in Lutom. When after surgery I had developed a dry socket and the pain was just effin overwhelming. Then, in lutom I had several friends I could call on, but I chose to go by myself, tears streaming down my face and jaw in one hand, driving with the other, to the dental clinic and get it checked out. The memory is very vivid.
Just one dose of antibiotics and some real serious cough syrup and I feel a lot better. I am so glad I have grown up and learned to ask for help when needed.