OK am about to give up with this early to bed nonsense. It has me waking up at 3 am every night. Wondering what to do. Bad dreams. Allergies. Random aches and pains. I resort to the stupid laptop and that doesn't help the aches and pains. Or anything else, in fact. End up going to bed tired and cranky at wee hours of the morning. Therefore early to rise never happens!. AArgh. I'd much rather just go to bed at 3 like I did earlier.
I should get some exercise in the evenings. Or a nice hot bath.
One of the reasons I miss having close desi friends is to be able to freely ask for rides. I never thought twice about asking my desi friends for rides and they never made a big deal about it. On the other hand, with non desi friends, such as S, no matter how close we were, asking for a ride was a non-trivial matter. Heck, I still remember how S's own boyfriend balked from picking her up from the airport just because he didn't want to drive that far. I offered without thinking twice, and she was always so grateful about it.
And I will admit it, I miss the potluck dinners too. My non-desi acquaintances/friends here would rather I cook while they contribute by paying for the ingredients or something, just because they like indian food so much and well, pasta and baingan bhartha are not the best combinations ever. I enjoy cooking for a group of people, but can't be the only one doing it all the time, and really, can't even entertain the idea of them paying for raw material. That is so..pardon me.. american! I also don't like cooking in other peoples' kitchens.
I did one of the lists on my to do list finally today/yesterday. What a relief.
The chasm between me and some old friends just gets deeper and deeper. I cannot pull off a phone call for even five minutes now with some, before the "what else"
and "Aur batao" shit makes an appearance. Drives me insane. Is it just me? I mean, how interesting are my stories about my latest dumpster diving adventures and social networking or cell culture anyways? And from their end too, its the same shit different day story. Just like they cannot relate to my stories, I cannot understand marital discord and the wish to have a baby in the same breath. Much irritation comes. Overall I think my tolerance has just gone down several notches over the years. And that is not a good thing.
I was getting a bit tired of my self-imposed guards and inability to trust people. It is so restrictive. Frustrated at my inability to just let go and have myself a bit of fun without getting too hung up on things or my overactive self-defense mechanisms kicking in. In retrospect, I think its a good idea to recognize my vulnerabilities for what they are and go about life accordingly. If that is who I am, that is who I am. There is no need to conform to a particular idea of fun if it is not fun for me, right?
Stop this stupid blabbering at 4 effing AM and go and sleep, TGFI!
:( sigh. I will try to count sheep now. I really have to get to the lab early tomorrow.