From misery emerges a small ray of hope. I am far from done with two tasks that have been giving me nightmares and my self-imposed deadlines are slowly morphing into the real deadlines.
Thats when I remind myself of all the times I thought I couldn't do it, I felt defeated, I hated myself, I hid from people, wondered why I picked this field, wallowed in misery. But the sooner I shook it off, overcame my fears and got back on track, the closer I got to finishing. And ultimately did finish. The paper, the proposal, the dissertation, the experiment..whatever it was.
The truth remains: I don't have a frikkin' choice. Sometimes I need to detach myself from the project, stop looking at it as a personal battle of sorts and simply think of it as "This is what I'm paid to do, I better crack it, and do a good job of it!". And that is all there is to it. No dramas.
So what's another painful and seemingly insurmountable challenge, eh? I can do this!
Its funny how sleep comes so easy when I'm stressed. It's my little escape zone. While I have problems falling asleep on regular days, at times like these, its hard to keep my eyes open. I plan for a short nap, which turns into a full fledged 2 hour long snorefest. Then I wake up and panic. Rinse and repeat. I remember doing this a lot when I was younger too. I'd set the alarm for some ungodly hour in the hope of waking up and studying on the day of the exam. I'd miss the alarms and wake up with only a hour left to go take the exam. My mom and sister always found me sitting on the bed, wailing that I had missed the alarm and had so much left to study, instead of bucking up and making best use of whatever little time there was left. So this isn't new to me either. :)