Monday, December 01, 2008


I'm so tired. I did nothing of consequence the past 4 - 5 days. Except deal with a horrible sore throat that morphed into a racking cough and fever. I feel like shit. All I want to do is sleep, and even that is difficult thanks to the cough.

Workwise, I have the emptiest feelings ever. I drag myself to the lab, just to do the bare minimum to keep the cell lines alive. I couldn't care less about my experiments, how they turn out, trouble-shooting...reading..nothing! Nothing holds my interest any more. Ever since it became clear that I was going to leave, I have just totally given up. Its a liberating feeling and a slightly sad one. I wish I could be more resilient. But it seems like I choose not to. For someone who identified mostly with work, this is a very empty feeling. And along with losing interest in science, I find that I lose interest in everything else too..the books I am reading, blog-hopping, cooking, everything.

Am desperately hoping for a new beginning. The equivalent of shaking off the dust from my sheets and starting afresh. But in these tough times, It's a bit much to expect..and the opportunity is still as elusive as ever.

But as far as the job hunt goes, I am still optimistic. And oddly very aware of my strengths that make me a good candidate. I just need to seize the next opportunity that comes by and make it work for me.

In the meantime, I should temporarily shake off the dust from the current situation and make the best of what I can salvage here. At the very least, its healthy and will keep me agile and busy, rather than make my brain rot and fester in self-pity parties. I've had enough and more of those, and they get old soon.


Sujatha said...

Here are some good cyber-vibes coming your way, TGFI. Hope things start looking up soon.

Anonymous said...

I know whats going on in your head... almost similar stuff on with me too, combined with guilt of not working out and horror induced by the so-called doctors about my health.. :)
End point is, if you can.. just go cycling, running or anything.. to keep those hormones high.. may be they will make you feel better..
Baaki sab waise bhi jaldi tikh ho jayega.. :)

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

Thanks Sujatha,

Ms T,
exercise is a very good idea. I must do.

Mosilager said...

Hope you get the job sorted out soon. Chocolate always helps in bad times :)

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

Thanks Mosilager,
Chocolate yes! always works.:)