I'm so tired. I did nothing of consequence the past 4 - 5 days. Except deal with a horrible sore throat that morphed into a racking cough and fever. I feel like shit. All I want to do is sleep, and even that is difficult thanks to the cough.
Workwise, I have the emptiest feelings ever. I drag myself to the lab, just to do the bare minimum to keep the cell lines alive. I couldn't care less about my experiments, how they turn out, trouble-shooting...reading..nothing! Nothing holds my interest any more. Ever since it became clear that I was going to leave, I have just totally given up. Its a liberating feeling and a slightly sad one. I wish I could be more resilient. But it seems like I choose not to. For someone who identified mostly with work, this is a very empty feeling. And along with losing interest in science, I find that I lose interest in everything else too..the books I am reading, blog-hopping, cooking, everything.
Am desperately hoping for a new beginning. The equivalent of shaking off the dust from my sheets and starting afresh. But in these tough times, It's a bit much to expect..and the opportunity is still as elusive as ever.
But as far as the job hunt goes, I am still optimistic. And oddly very aware of my strengths that make me a good candidate. I just need to seize the next opportunity that comes by and make it work for me.
In the meantime, I should temporarily shake off the dust from the current situation and make the best of what I can salvage here. At the very least, its healthy and will keep me agile and busy, rather than make my brain rot and fester in self-pity parties. I've had enough and more of those, and they get old soon.