Sunday, December 28, 2008

W.o.m.m #35

Most of the time I get away with a lot of rubbish ranting to either (willing or unwilling) friends or to this blog. But today I want to throw in a little bit of perspective.

By the time my mom was 30, she had been through 3 pregnancies, lost one baby and was bringing up me and my sister in a nuclear family. She was running a household on a shoestring budget, seeing my parents through troubled financial times. And by that I don't mean missing out on luxuries like eating out or shopping for unnecessary stuff. More like getting by with essentials, being resourceful to manage with whatever money my dad brought in. And giving us the best of upbringings.

There were no blogs, no support groups, no nothing. No time to sit and belabor every single decision. Common sense, economics and lessons from senior women dictated most actions.

I am sure there are stories of several other struggles, bigger, longer than this. But this is the one that is closest to me.

Today I am 30, [Edited to add: I AM 30 does not mean I turn 30 today. If you are an astute follower of my blog, you should recall my turning 30 post. thu bevarse!] single, worry about complications to life that marriage might offer. The money I make is mine alone, with no encumbrances I have no need to budget. I have all the opportunities and resources to access, and I choose to dwell and waste time over the most insignificant issues. To the point that I often lose track of the big picture.

What a waste. I just have it too easy.


Pri said...

this is most confusing. when you say today i am thirty some people might assume you mean today i turn thirty. darbees pede!

La vida Loca said...

I think it is a generational thing-I would say a similar story about my upbringing. Today my worry is getting a docotral degree, a bloody expensive degree in a foreign country. Something my parents could NOT even think of in their day.
Guess the point I am trying to make is every generation has its set of troubles and worries. I wouldn't compare them.

La vida Loca said...

have an award for u.

Rachna said...

I am not sure.. I think I agree with LVL that it is a generational thing... BUT you have to remember, IG, that our Moms did not ahve to worry about getting PhD's and fighting office politics and having a career and all that.

So, at that time the choice (if there was one) was about that they became homemakers (and really good onees at that).

But I think we have it more difficult- we have to live up to their expectations of the kind of perfect homemaker that they were, WHILE completing PhD's on the side!!!
IG, I got married in the middle of my PhD- and could not manage both - gave up on PhD. Still looking for work. AND being a perfect homemaker- since I do not have anythign else to do. But even when I do start working, I will still take care of the house.

So yes, wait till you get married. You will not think that you have it too easy- being the perfectionist that you are, I am sure you will be trying to live up to impossible ideals of perfect homemaking coupled with your Post-Doc. And JUST WAIT till you have children after that!!
Impossible ideals of perfect motherhood to live up to as well.

IG- we do not have it easy. We are the girls who chose careers, PhD's and dreams to follow. And we did not let the other dreams (of marriage, love, motherhood) fall away when we chose the PhD path.
So its two worlds that we have to juggle- and unfortunately, its NOT easy.
I have to stop this rant now- but believe me, if your Mom had to do a Phd ALONG with managing 2 kids and being on a showstring budget, it would not have been that easy.

Sakshi said...

Just a comment about the generational thingie - my family has three generations of women who married, had kids and got a higher degree at the same time. With no help from family member. The first to do this was my grandmother!
TGFI, it is doable. Its not easy but then neither is being just a career woman or just a homemaker. Life is not meant to be a breeze. It would be too boring otherwise.

Tachyoson said...

Hmm,new generation,new worries!Dnt be in a rush to inherit worries,enjoy life!Glad 2 know others are enduring the 3X too!

Confused said...

Were you not 30 2 years back? Just making sure..

sinusoidally said...

Yeah I hear ya, but thirties is the new twenties of this generation and we'll adopt our share of problems when we get there...:-)

satish said...


just adding to the confused's comment - do u use godrej hair dye by any chance?