Friday, May 15, 2009


Reading between the lines..taking hints: I suck at doing all those. I am essentially dumb that way...if you don't spell it out, I don't get it. I need to learn these tricks, especially in the U.S.

I miss my mommy. Don't know what it brought it on all of a sudden. Wish I could go home.

I need to stop "feeling bad for" others. In a sense its almost patronizing, although that's not what I intend. Everybody is equipped with the resources, friends and inner strength to go through their tough phases..its a matter of time and things fall into place eventually. Just reinforcing that realization in my head helps me calm down.

I hate going to a doctor. Starting with the painful process of getting an appointment, to all the time wasted in going there, waiting, dealing with fake smilery or rude impatient behaviour, and finally the short, brusque doctor interaction coupled with the very little trust I have in the health-care system (which is not entirely displaced or irrational), makes for a very unappealing prospect. So I just pull along, get free advice from doctor-friends or whatever.

I have had a nagging shoulder pain that flared up recently, so I finally decided to go to a chiropractor instead. heh. I had to deal with some of the same initial crap- making an appointment, fake smilery etc. but at least they are not drugging my system unnecessarily and I actually feel better after the first visit already. So they may be on to something. And they are not as brusque as the doctors I have had.

I also had the most horrible migraine yesterday. So blinding that I went to the vending machine to get myself a snack and punched in the wrong numbers..TWICE. I just couldn't see clearly enough. It was kind of comic- there I was, with a throbbing pain, really needing an uplifting energy bar, down to my last quarter, and the machine spits out, twice, this sticky-sweet yucky thing that I left on the common table for other to eat. Such a pity vending machines do not have an "Are you sure?" button. :)

Just because I think that something "should be done" a certain way doesn't make it the correct way. Or the only way of doing something. (to put it briefly, self-righteous-bitchery is not cool). I cannot hold others to my standards or expectations of myself. Especially when, I will never have a complete picture of the set of circumstances that led them to do things a certain way.

Also when a person is revealing to you their unhappiness with themselves, they are putting up a very raw, vulnerable side of themselves. It is not easy for them, and they have gone through all the self-beating and more to get to that place where they are sharing their regrets with you. It doesn't matter how affected you are by their distress, they are in a much worse place. And so, it serves absolutely no purpose in adding your voice of disappointment at that point. Nothing. Believe me, they have learned those lessons, in a much harder way. So save the "You should haves" or the "Why didn't you", because it is not helpful, it is not value-adding. The only purpose is serves is a selfish one for you: to express your frustration at the situation, even if stemming from concern, that is not the place for it.

I learned the above two lessons recently, all thanks to my friend S for telling me to my face what she thought of the way I was reacting to certain events around me. She stopped me from coming off as terribly judgmental, not to mention plain wrong and unfair. I hope I remember these.

Things more often than not do not stick to the plans you've made for yourself. That is just life. Accept it, embrace it and gear up for the new set of challenges and opportunities it brings.

At the same time, when things get a bit overwhelming or disappointing, its perfectly ok to bawl to your hearts content. In fact its very therapeutic. Water works ki jai ho. :)


La vida Loca said...

So that's why u dont blog so often?

ferret said...

yes that taking hints stuff, even i suck at it. and worse is when i am made to think what someone might be reading in between my lines,, why can't people just take things as said.

Satish said...

so well written.

Prasoon said...

Even when I do understand things, I need to hear them - I just can't go by the fact that I understood the unsaid. I wonder why.

The two lessons the friend gave you - priceless ones. A stranger is a best to talk to is what I believe because even if they do judge you, it isn't based on 'our' perception which obviously they have no knowledge about. Talk about giving suggestions, well, probably this is the reason I am put up with my best friend over so many years - he never ever told me that I was right or wrong - he knows me too well to understand why I do a certain things and he just smiles listening to all that.

I hope your migraine reduced that day. :)

tgfi said...

that..and i don't know.. general bloggers block i guess. also don't have wireless yet. :p

oh god ya, that's even worse!

thanks :)

may be its because one can never trust this kind of open-ended why one would rather hear it spelled out..

yeah, best friends are best at listening. :)

migraine did get better pretty soon after, thanks.

Mystic said...

Had I written a blog post today it would have been about
how patronizing it is to "feel bad for someone" and about how futile it is to voice your disappointment when one has already admitting being unhappy about himself.

:) very well written.