Monday, November 09, 2009

Audience question (for the male readers out there)

If the woman you're going to marry asks you to tag along her last name to yours, so that both of you end up with the same hyphenated surname, how would you respond?

A) I'll do it if you want me to / if it means so much to you/ if I have to / if you withhold sex if I don't
B) No , its simply complicated. Are we going to be Mr and Mrs Patel (girl's last name)-Krishnan (guy's last name) or Krishnan-Patel or what?
C) No, I never asked you to change your name either
D) No, its not worth two people changing their names, why don't you just become Patel-Krishnan and that's the last name we give our kid too
E) An enthusiastic, yes! let's do it!  :)
F) Other (describe your answer please)

And while you're at it, please also explain how you will deal with kids names in each case?? Because that's one of the biggest factors in changing names, identifying a family, etc.

For the female readers out there, how many think this is a non-issue, and the current common resolution to this (I see most women retain their maiden surnames and add their husband's last name to it, the kid gets a hyphenated last name-but actually the mom's name ends up as a middle name and the dad's name ends up as last name) is just fine?

For the record, one of my classmates in grad school tagged his wife's last name to his- so they both were Shah-Patels. ( in which Patel would be the girl's last name). All the girls thought his guy was the coolest guy evar and all the guys hated him for doing this. :)


confused said...


Anonymous said...

Ooh, interesting question (and made me delurk as well). Waiting for the male responses.
I always thought I would retain my name as is, not sure what to do with the kids' names. However, this does seem like a neat solution if both parties are on board.


bongopondit said...

I guess closest answer is C. But frankly, changing either of our names was never a question that came up or even briefly debated.

Both are too lazy go through all that paperwork. :)

Kids - we are doing fine without and happy - but in case of such issues, would have to have a hyphen, I guess. Will be weird with our surnames though (a good reason not to procreate ?)

aequo animo said...

but Also F, as in WTF, who cares! Its too much Govt work anyway.

Ni said...

I have a good idea. Lets do away with the surnames. :)
you r welcome

Varsha said...

I guess C....but I happily took up my husband's F should also be right...

Gradwolf said...

C is the best answer. And if it's going to be India, OMG the paperwork! No way..

No one talking about any sort of pressure from the respective grandparents on either side?! :p

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

I am so pissed that nobody said E. deeply disappointed in readers of deep thought. hmph.

La vida Loca said...

retained maiden name. it's a non issue. kids get hubby's last name. coz my name + his= true horror(my name is a touch too long). same reason why i dod not hypenate.

muddled grad student said...

Probably will hyphenate for myself but kids probably will take his name, both our surnames together would be way too long to saddle on an unwilling person.

satish said...

ohh. my wife will have my surname.

visajet said...

C or D

Anonymous said...

I for one refused to change my lastname after marriage. We don't have lastnames where I'm from, so it was meaningless to change it to my husband's lastname, which happens to be his Dad's name. But I have to constantly carry a copy of my marriage certificate since a lot of times we have to prove that we are indeed married.

Female reader

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

@ all,
thanks for being such good sports and leaving comments. Clearly, the time has yet to come when husbands willingly take on the wife's surname. I will look forward to the day. :p

அகிலன்(Akilan) said...

Now suppose that both partners change to a hyphenated surname and the kids are given a hyphenated surname. What will happen when the kid marries? will he/she change the name to first_name father-mother-wife_surnames ? What about the grand child?

As you can see the better solution is not to change any name. Let the kid have any one of the parent's surname.

Rachna said...


Commenting after a looong time!
I retained my maiden surname, and he did not ask me to change. It was a complete and total non-issue!

About kids is definitely a question we will have to think about- not that we have any as yet, but maybe one will have my surname and one will have his. Or both!

Arpz said...

the hubby isnt in the least bothered that I prefer my dad's name (we dont have a last name - its the dad's name we take over) over his name. I would kill him/ divorce him/ maim him if he were to force me to change my name.

Even my passport has my dad's name on it :) and I love it.

My kids can take over his name. I am adamant about me having daddy dearest's name, so why should my kids not? :)