Have there ever been moments you don't have faith in your own words? When this whole separation thing gets too hard on either B or me, one of us is egging the other one along, mouthing platitudes like "We'll get there" "We're doing this for a reason" "We'll make up for all the time lost"...etc. Sometimes, I literally mouth those well-rehearsed platitudes..in an almost mechanical way- realizing that they don't console me either. Other times we just acknowledge that this sucks, but we have to suck it up, because that's the way it is, or the way we've chosen to take.
A friend warned me against getting into guilt-trips in long-distance relationships. I don't feel the guilt as much, but I do, every so often, question the reasons behind our choices. Ponder over the if-onlys. Wonder if I just chose a "safe" path that didn't make me look foolish.
I hung out with a set of people who are really close with each other- and it made me miss the close friendships I once had. People that you hang out with regularly, unlike when meeting up is a mere possibility but not a priority in each others respective hectic lives. People that you can drink yourself silly with and feel ok about them picking up the tab too. People that get your jokes, your nit-picky-ness, your silliness. People that bring warm hugs that make everything alright. All these people - where have they gone!? :(
Ah well..such is life. May be I should stop avoiding and start facing the truth and act on it. i.e. go do my laundry.