Friday, February 25, 2011

I'm back and I'm not loving it

B left a couple days ago, and I have been resistant to resuming all the things I did before he came, because it only reminded me of the fact that I was back to my life-sans-B. I have been dragging my feet at work, resisting even calling him during our regular phone hours as I don't want to face our routine phone-call schedule when just few days ago we were enjoying time with each other in the same room without worrying about distances and time zones. Going to bed alone sucks, waking up alone and having to make my own chai myself sucks. Its amazing how two weeks can spoil you so easily. In short, it sucks to be back.

We had a splendid two weeks. Traveled, met up with friends, crossed a few things off our list. Almost like our married life has gone from one honeymoon to the next with 8 months of separation in between. To add that touch of reality to it I also managed to get sick, get slammed with an urgent submission deadline when I should have been on holiday, and B had to take care of a sick wife glued to her laptop. A close friend asked me how things were between us having met after so long. I have to say, in a very self-congratulatory tone, that I am quite proud of the way we have made it through this 18-month-long-and-still-counting LDR. I tend to give a bit more credit to B, because left to me, I'd have done things a bit differently. He has, in his own little ways, made sure we're very much in tune with each others lives even though we are apart, still managing to retain a healthy balance in our respective individual lives. While I would've probably taken a bit more distant, self-preserving approach to it. This is not my first LDR, and ghosts of the past have off and on played on my mind through this one. That said, we've figured out a way that has worked great for us and meeting after 8 months and picking up has been seamless and effortless. We definitely noticed and had to deal with subtle changes in each other, that crept in from living in different places and evolving differently over the past many months. More so in B thanks to his readjustment to R2I. But that cannot be is pretty much par for the course.

Dropping him off at the airport was a tad easier this time than it was the last time I had to do it- but I still managed to put little crying snotty kids at the airport to shame with my unabashed water works. :D Coming home to the cold lonely apartment sucked. We are now slipping back into our routine LDR, whether we like it or not, and I imagine I will be consumed by work over the next 4 months by which time we can pack this up for good :).


Neha said...

I can understand the separation. My bf (now husband) were in a LDR for 3 years before we got married and almost a year after marriage. Though it was a east-west long distance in US (and not as long as US-india) it always sucked to drop each other at the airport. And even the time we spent together, at the back of the mind there used to be this sad realisation that we would be apart soon.
Hang in there, i would say :)

AshR said...

Yes, I can totally relate. In the last 8 months, I've spent only 3 weeks with my hubby and I still have 3 more months to go till I get to be with him for good. Though I put up a brave front whenever I talk to him, I can't help but worry that he'll get too used to not having me around.

Don't worry, girl; you'll get through this.(And hopefully, so will I!)

ferret said...

It's the worst, when there are only a countable number of days remaining, and the number of times the counting happens in a day keeps growing :)
I'm glad you have B who's helping you handle the LDR so well. For me, I can't say who was worse among the two of us, but we blew it totally.

Good to have you back on the blog though :)

Sakshi said...

It's always nice to read lovey-dovey posts. I hope this will be soon followed by mommy-blogging?

Calvin said...

Amazing how many of the people whom I know are currently in a LDR after getting married. And I thought all this growth and progress was meant to bring people closer!

Raam Pyari said...


The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

Thanks for the words of support/encouragement and mommy-blogging advice. :)

Calvin, yeah, almost every couple I know is also in an LDR (or SDR) :) - i think that growth and progress has made it easier to uphold relationships over a distance, and motivated more people to go after professional goals in the face of personal sacrifices..