Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don't say yes when you want to say no

A rant about people who cannot say no. I wish people just learned to say "Sorry, I cannot do it" (Followed by a reason if they feel like it). Period. I don't understand why, instead of saying no, they go about giving me hazaar alternatives, that I've already thought through, considered, and then come to them asking for a favour. I ask for favours easily- mostly because I believe that if it truly inconveniences a person they will say no, else they will help me out. I know people who balk at the idea of taking any obligation from other people- I don't take my friends for granted but don't see anything wrong in asking them- "hey- can you ask around for me if ..blah blah". And I am prepared to be refused, no hard feelings. But I'm beginning to see why people, including my husband, would rather have it not done than ask for a favour- its because some people make it out to be so damn uncomfortable. They cannot refuse directly, they offer further unsolicited advice that can be tiresome, or worse still, they say yes but back out in the last minute or ignore your phone calls or do it almost begrudgingly, making you feel like you are putting them through an inconvenience. Why the fuck does everything have to be a charade? I have reached a point where I'd rather ask random people off a forum or mailing list for help- at least they can refuse without qualms and self-imposed obligations and truly just do it out of simple kindness and not because they feel obliged to say yes.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

welcome to india

binaryfootprints said...

More than no..it is the way people ask you to completely trust them with the job and then leave you off at the deep end. I have been on both sides of the coin. I have no excuses. I am trying to not commit to anything. I'd rather be someone who will not go out of my way to do things, rather than someone who never does anything she says she will...

Sangi said...

I hate asking for favours - asking people to ask around of info is one thing. But actually asking people to do something that I will then feel obliged to return in some way is a no-no for me. Esp. because I can't handle hanging on because it is a favour and not knowing till the last moment. Prefer to pay for professional service rather than the favour route!

ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ said...

So true! Why cant they ask for and not let things half done or even completely undone.

Archana said...

"they say yes but back out in the last minute or ignore your phone calls "

I *hate, hate, hate* it when this happens! Seriously, that person really thought that the momentary happiness I got by their yes will outweigh my subsequent anger/murderous tendencies when they don't follow through!?! If you can't do it, for the love of God say no. At least then I can make alternate arrangements. I do not want your half-assed yes or "let me consider and get back to you" when you very well know you don't mean it!

Archana said...

And oh, saying no does not make you less likeable or less popular! You would, in fact, become more popular coz then, when you say yes, everyone knows you mean it and you can be counted upon! I would any day prefer a sincere no over a meaningless yes.

As you can see, this is a topic I feel strongly about :-)!

TGFI said...

Anony,

hehe thanks. I see it rampant here in the US also.

binaryfootprints,
Yeah, i hate the way they say "haan haan sure sure". I am training myself to interpret accordingly.

Sangi,
yeah, I see why so many people hate asking for favours- I always thought thats what friends are for. :)

Unspellable name,
yeah.

Archana,
I see I touched a raw nerve here. :) yes exactly, a straightforward no will may be hurt/disappoint once, but that is the end of it. unlike stringing ppl along and leaving them hanging. Why is that so hard to grasp?

Wendy said...

You are so right! A mistake like this can hurt so many people. Not only us. If is just us, is our fault. But when others have to suffer because of us, this is bad!