Sunday, August 26, 2012

One Year of R2I

What prompted me to step back and take stock (and blog) was the realization that I have added little value to my life in the past one year. I feel like this has been the hardest year in some ways, so I was justified in not taking bigger strides to get some tangible achievements- I was just busy living and figuring stuff out along the way. 

 Stuff like- 

 1. R2I. Made it through the initial wave of reverse culture shock.
 2. Got a decent job within a month of landing- proud of that. 
 3. Job allows me to exert my research skills about 40 to 50% of the time. The rest is people-management, presentation making etc. So honed that part too. 
 4. Job also got me authorship (Even if 1 of a dozen authors) in a decent paper. Feels good to see my publication track not stagnate. 
 5. Learned how to live with a husband AND cognition-impaired F-I-L in tow. This has been the hardest part, and is still Work in Progress. 
 6. Traveled a decent bit. 
 7. Learned to deal with a bunch of disappointments and adjustments wrt to how I thought married life together would be versus how it actually is. This is also Work in Progress. 
 8. Enjoyed the perks of R2I- visit my parents once in a few months, have a maid and never have to worry about dishes and cooking. Have a driver and have not yet started driving. 
 9. Enjoyed the feeling of double-income. 
 10. Explored the city, and I must say I like it. 

 Stuff that fell along the wayside- 

 1. Have not yet completed my post-doc paper. It is now in crisis stage, with my P.I threatening to demote my authorship if I dont turn it around. I am woefully stuck here and back in the same misery-hole I was when I was struggling with my Ph.D. paper after leaving grad school. I want to fix this right away because it will lead to me being a happier person and put an end to us allocating all my free time (the little of it that is) to the bloody paper and allow us to do more fun stuff that i want to do. 

 2. Effectively addressing the disappointments in my married life. Not sure how much of it is natural, that everyone goes through? The first year of living together after marriage I had imagined would be more filled with freshness, happiness, excitement and what not. Especially after two years of the US-India LDR. It was not so. We got consumed with routine, daily challenges, unhappiness in adjustments and of course moving in with the F-I-L and learning how to deal with him and his illness. I think we now realise the need to focus on ourselves as much, but I am wary of feeling bitter and shortchanged on the past year. I am guilty of not verbalizing enough. I want to change that now. 

 3. Health and weight gain - I just need to see photos of myself in skirts to realise the terrible amount of weight I have put on. I want to change this. Starting today. 

 4. Socializing- We have not made the effort to go and hang out with anyone. I am not sure why- partly being consumed in our own routines, and to some extent in our own unhappiness. The blog has presented the opportunity of several friendships that could be made and nurtured but I have not made the effort or even reciprocated when others did. I want to change this. We desperately need a social life and I desperately need good friends to hang with.

5. Learn driving and fire the driver who I cannot stand.


Shripriya said...

Welcome back!

Seems like a great list - good luck with making progress.

And hang in there - everything will take longer than you want it to, but it will happen!

Sangi said...

Please add blogging to the list - miss reading your blog - suggest WIP status there too? Just so we get more! :-D

The first year of marriage is tough for most people. They don't talk of it as much as they should...I think if you get through the first year of marriage and still want to stick with it, you have a good chance of a wonderful marriage. First year on top of the R2I - give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. Both are projects on their own.

La vida loca said...

welcome back

Anphy said...

Great to have you back :-)
I havebeen checking this blog atleast 3 times a week for new posts and finally saw one. yay!!!

TGFI said...

How are you? Nice to hear from you. Feels like I knew you from a different world...

Thanks...sometimes I wonder if I overthink the whole first year of marriage deal...
You are one of the people I want to meet..

Wow! great to hear from you too! mail me and let me know how you are doing...

Thanks girl. You will see more of me..

Sangi said...

Would love to meet up. Come on over!

Rachna said...

Dear TGIF,

Congrats on the R2I- that is a big achievement. Which city are you in- if you don't mind my asking. Would love to get some tips on how to get a job there.

About the marriage thing, the first year is definitely the hardest. I think I spent mine squabbling and screaming and mostly frustrated. It was a huge HUGE adjustment. We were both pretty sick of our non-stop arguments. But hang in there, it only gets better from there. The second year will be better, and by the time the 5th rolls by, lots of peace and contentment :-) Of course, the fighting never goes away, just reduces a lot!

I can't imagine how you did it with FIL living with you, it is difficult enough to adjust to life with only a husband. Married life is nice, but you learn a LOT along the way about how to live together. One pro tip: it's all about SPACE. Give and take Space.

Would love to get in touch IRL :-) Especially since I need help with my (still tentative) R2I.

TGFI said...

Thanks Sangi,

Will email you.

Hi Rachna,

Do email me for any qs...will be glad to help. And thanks for the tips