Sunday, May 12, 2013

LTNS

Long Time No See!

Its been a while since I blogged.

Like all other sporadic blogging attempts this is just another mind dump.

Soon approaching the two year anniversary since I R2Ied, I am unhappy at the state of my social life, or lack thereof. I find that I have not a single good friend in the city, and my close friends who live elsewhere, I am barely in touch with.

It is hard to explain this kind of withdrawal. It is a mix of good old laziness, taking up a demanding job, and just dealing with the package deal that encompasses my move and letting it overwhelm me.

It hasnt gotten any better- the job is still demanding as hell, living with my FIL has only gotten more complicated and more tiresome, and well- readjusting to India is as complete as it can get.

Weekends were devoted to taking my FIL to his fav old dosa joint (a half-day sojourn), catching up with chores, sleeping, and trying to work on my damned paper that is leftover from my post-doc.

On two occasions when B went out of town I realised how bored I was on my own. Not a friend to go hang with, and dealing with my FIL for a whole weekend can be extremely frustrating and tiresome. I was so bored that I actually voluntarily opened up my old work folders and began working on my post-doc manuscript. Heh.

So of late, I began crawling out of my shell. I was also beginning to feel that our lifestyle is slightly dysfunctional. B and I only have office shit to discuss between ourselves, or discuss FIL. We do not have a balance, a different perspective, an outlet, or just another set of friends to compare our lives to. When we are battling maid woes, we feel like we are the only ones on earth. One fine day I sat with some of my colleagues at lunch and realised just about everyone has the same story going on.

I started with picking up the phone and regaining touch with old friends. The reassuring part is they were right there. It didnt take much to pick up from where we left off, but I also realised those calls were just- catch up calls. It didnt seem like they would turn into regular phone calls- simply because each of my friends is in a different phase of life, and at least 3 out of the 7-8 people i called had the exact same thing to tell me- My son dropped my phone and i lost your number! :)

May be I could turn them into regular calls- I am not sure. I do not want to give up now that I have gotten to a good start. But may be we also need to get out more in this city- find like minded people to hang out with- and hopefully that will help us gain some perspective.

How do people go about building friendships? I seem to have forgotten the art.






6 comments:

Prasoon Gupta said...

many equations change after friends start getting married. Or so I have seen to happen often.
To build friendships now - possible but very very tough since people will be busy in their lives and just don't want to go through the troubles of maintaining social ties anymore.

ferret said...

You know, one way of getting to like minded people could be if you started to blog again :)

tgfi said...

Prasoon,

Yeah my feelings exactly..

Ferret,

Good point, )

Anonymous said...

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Kiruthika said...

i felt compelled to suggest this to you:

feeling good- the new mood therapy - by david burns

it is a book that helped me, and i hope it will be of help to you too.

respect you for taking care of your FIL... sometimes, even a friend cannot help you get through some moments in life; but you can help yourself. this book helped me rediscover that effectively.

Sangi said...

A friend who had grandmother-in-law and in-laws in addition to the couple and their two kids in the home just had people over. Everyone found their space and some socializing happened.

Also, come on over?