Sunday, May 31, 2015

Whats On My Mind

Typically, a major/minor  jhatka is what sends me blogging. This time it is the fact that my parents returned to their home after spending a nice 2 whole months with us. They house was full of noise, discussion, people and of course, good food. Both B (isnt that what I called my husband on here? I forget) and I totally enjoyed their company, planning outings, getting hot breakfast in the morning, not having to worry about daily chores etc. It was superb!

They left early today morning and the house feels woefully silent. I'm sure tomorrow, back to work, it'll be less depressing, but still. I miss them like hell.

Coming to work. It has had its moments. I knew what I was getting into, and now, having gotten there, I am not exactly gung ho about it. Other times, I'm enjoying and learning. Hmm. Kya karen?

On the whole make or not to make baby issue. (Heh. Thats almost redundant, because, In India, babies are reffered to as issues :-)) B and I decided to go ahead and try. We'd give it our best shot (eww) and woudn't be overly disappointed if it didn't happen given the fast diminishing ova and other things. We are trying to eat healthy, exercise and stay stress-free to increase our chances. But its easier said than done. We both have pretty stressful jobs, and, when we come home, there's my father in law to deal with. Even though we have 24h care for him, its still very draining to simply witness what he's going through. He now has Parkinsons in addition to his dementia. He cannot process a simple instruction like "stand up". We count our blessings that he is still very mild mannered, and doesn't yet show signs of agitation/aggression etc. But I cant help wonder, how long this is going to go on, and how sad it is for him, to have such a low quality of life, and for us, especially for his son, to watch him whither away in such a painful manner.

So yeah- I'm still not convinced about the baby thing. Friends who've had them are all about oh wow how fulfilling it is- yeah sure! If'you've spawned another human being there's bound to be an overwhelming sense of pride/responsibility/love and all of that. I would never deny that. What I wonder is, how bad would it be to NOT go through that? I guess thats for me to find out.

I still hang on to my freedom, including freedom to go get an alcoholic beverage whenever I feel like, or get on a plane/train and travel to a new place, or stay back late at work to get something done. I've also realised that my patience bank is limited, and I've expended a good deal just with dealing with R2I, living with B's father and all of that. In sab ke beech mein baccha?

Whatsapp has quite invaded and pervaded our lives in all sorts of ways. I'm not most thrilled about it. Meaningless forwards, tacky good morning messages, silly jokes (all of which I'm also guilty of fw-ing sometimes :p) I could totally do without. What is worse when the same joke comes in from different people/groups.  What I love, is how accessible it has made some of my close friends. Especially those that are saat samundar paar and would be very expensive to call as often as we now exchange msgs on whatsapp.

I've been wondering a lot about the sanctity and boundaries in marriage. Whats ok, whats not? Is having a close buddy of the opposite sex ok? Is going out with them to drinks - without your spouse ok? Is beginning to care for their well being - in a very human way  - ok? Is harmless flirting OK? Is having cosy whatsapp conversations with them OK? What is harmless flirting anyway? If it doesnt involve sex and it doesn't offend the flirtee does that makes it harmless? What if it offends the spouse of the flirter? Who's to know or tell? Sometimes, I don't know. Also, btw,  what's healthy flirting, while we're at it? :p

We live, we learn.

I've a lot more on my mind I wanted to dump, but I'll stop here for now. The weather's perfect for an afternoon snooze.